This is a unique blog post for me. As a person in general, I am not overly emotional. I struggle, and I mean REALLY struggle, to let people know much about what I'm feeling beyond basic, every day emotions and a whole lot of sass. I am NOT a hugger unless I know you really well, in fact, I get a little startled when I am touched unexpectedly unless I am ready and expecting it (I'm talking to you big huggers - who end up getting my awkward side hug because you came at me too fast!) It probably explains why giving gifts is my love language!
But, what I am sharing in this post has been on my heart for about six months now. I didn't know how to talk about it, because I was - and am still - processing it. When our due date passed on January 11th, I knew I needed to write about it, as I've always been better with writing than anything else. It is not just my story of loss, it is just as much Justin's loss, and our family's as a whole.
I thought about sharing this story in the future when we get pregnant again by making a passive comment on social media about our "rainbow baby" with some cute, Pinterest-worthy birth announcement post. But, then I thought, you know what? No, I am not doing that. I'm not painting some fake picture of what we've been through when I feel like we're "in the clear" with a new pregnancy, by making it to that 12 week mark (moms who have miscarried: do you EVER feel in the clear?). I have found something heartbreakingly strong during this period of immense fear and loss.
About this specific fear, and fear in general, and what exactly it has to do with being on our website's blog, I have a couple of goals with sharing this story:
1) I want to make sure this is LOUD AND CLEAR: to the other mamas who have experienced the loss of a baby or gone through a miscarriage in any way, you are NOT alone, and good Lord, you are NOT a failure in ANY way (because I know you're thinking that, just like I am). Being afraid of everything after going through this is normal.
2) To the mamas who haven't gone through a miscarriage: this is in NO WAY a post to diminish your joy. I cannot wait to squeeze your baby's cheeks and love that baby like Jesus would.
3) In terms of our business, and how this topic could belong on our blog: this loss is THE reason our website went live. This miscarriage, this loss of our child's life that could have been, blindsided and crushed us. From this pain, though, something amazing was born: and it was THE heart behind this brand, and an even deeper, harder love for my husband (who I hope isn't too embarrassed by this literal spilling of my guts on the internet!). It gave me the COURAGE to jump, and say "We CAN do this, we are going to DO this."
Life is not always easy, but that is ok. Our goal at Grice Grove is to always be a place where you can come to laugh, or send a thoughtful message to someone who may be going through something amazing - or horrible - in life.
No matter what happens, I feel so supported, inspired, and loved by our Grice Grove family, and at the end of the day, I'm just not sure what else you could possibly want out of business and life!
In closing, thank you for allowing us into your lives, your friendships, your daily routines, and thank you for allowing us to send gifts to your friends and family when they are going through amazing and horrible parts of life! It means more to me than you will EVER know.